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((takingalookatthepast))((honoringthefallensoliders))((sheisfree))
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I ask a lot of questions.
People interpret it as confusion.

It is not how I interpret the bubbling brook of obsessive curiosity. 

On the first day of graduate school, I sat in a trailer with my professor lecturing inside this tiny classroom of thirty people. The whiteboard was in front of him; he turned to it. With an old black dry erase marker he scribbled, "Why do people want to become doctors." After all, we were sitting in a classroom full of people attempting to become the coveted honorary prefix.

Why did I want to become a doctor?

I desired to intimately know the human body. I desired to become a chiropractor because of the level of anatomy and physiology that they learn. I desired to jump over that high bar; true education eliminates fear. If I made a million dollars tomorrow; the path would stay the same. Perhaps, I could go a bit faster in the direction of my destined reality... Education is so much more than a workforce that I will enter into after college. 

I am studying for boards at the moment. Putting together every tiny detail and seeing the complete picture come alive in my mental cavity. I am beginning to see the joints move in my mind. I can see the ligament attachments, the tendons in their proper place. I can see the curvature of the aortic arch flowing into the abdominal aorta dividing into the femoral through means of the common iliac. The body is just beginning to take shape in my mind's eye, and this is why it is priceless. I honor and love the process of gaining knowledge. The act of studying (and the lack thereof) has given me wisdom beyond any price tag.

I see my friends complaining about the "price" of education and how much "debt" they are in because of it. I listened as if these are not the most privileged conversations I had ever been privy to. I climbed my ass off to get to graduate school -- so did they; why was I too diving into this asinine mindset? Money is a tool in this divine cosmic algorithm -- it'll come. It'll go. What are the things I love doing if I wasn't being paid? Being a student is one of them. 

Now that's what I want to be doing. 

I asked a lot of questions to the external world thinking that is how they enjoyed processing information. I enjoy an onslaught of questions -- "Do onto others as you would have done onto you". That's a little Bible phrase that I grew up to believe was reasonable in all things. 

And it's not.

People don't enjoy the overbearing amount of questions that I can ask -- easily. Actually, when I ask dumb questions -- it's because I am searching for connection and bonding. And that's not how to go about that? In summary, that is why I must post blog journals onto the internet. It is an outlet -- it's a place where to store my thoughts and questions in the forms of something a bit more digested ((sometimes)). It's not confusion; my questions represent my insatiable curiosity. My father used to say that was going to get me killed. 

I used it to get me to graduate school instead.
Now, to use it to get through it. 

Stay curious, 
because aren't we are all fucking confused?! 
some aren't scared to admit it xxx

Now I ask questions.
And answer them myself. 
And that confusion my mom once said I was pegged with --
well, it just looks like ignorance from this vantage point. 

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((don't let them convince you they know what the afterlife holds))
mymotherthinksiamgoingtohellbecauseanancientbooktoldherso.
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