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"How did you survive from hatred?"

One friend asked me after noticing me conveying the joy.

"You suffered too much at the hands of delinquent people. Yet, you overcame and became a fine man."

He added and I just smiled.

It took me a minute before I answered him. I wouldn't be surprised why he thought like that. Several years had passed before I came to be like this. Indeed, people will only notice what's the result and not the journey. They assumed that it was easy but they didn't know the whole thing I endured. 

"Sorry, we don't have oil and soy sauce."

That's what the owner said when I asked him to have these things and would just pay it by tomorrow. My mother told me to owe it first because the payment for the laundry would be given by tomorrow. Supposed to be the oil and the soy sauce would be our viand food or to be paired with rice since we didn't have money. I nodded as I turned my back to the store owner because I was sad not bringing anything.

"Mom, the store owner said he didn't have those."

My tears fell because I knew they had those but refused to have them. He didn't trust us that we could pay that small amount of goods since we were so poor.

"Just ignore those types of people son."

My mother's words after he noticed my tears.

"Can you pay the tuition fees?"

My neighbour mockingly said it to my father when he saw us in school to enrol me in high school. I understood how our neighbours underestimated us. My father was a kind man that ignored the words of others. 

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"Step aside you stink."

The words of the rich man who bumped my father while selling fish in the road. I tried to fight back since I felt pity for my father who fell down. I wanted to protect my Father from those insults but my father stopped me as he shook his head.

"Just ignore them son. I'm fine."

I didn't cry but my heart wanted to explode. I asked myself sometimes why the world was so unfair. Why the poor people like us should experience unlawful and shamable treatment. 

I obeyed my father and didn't argue but there's one thing I couldn't take it anymore. 

"Leave."
"I already gave you a chance but you failed."

The owner of the land where our house was built forced us to abandon it. I refused to understand my father this time watching him beg and kneeled down. 

"Please sir, just a little more time."

My heart was broken watching my father so pathetic. I started to take a step to approach him and let him stand. But my mother in tears holds my arm to stop me. She shook his head and just said.

"Please son."

I couldn't bear it anymore that I needed to understand them. I decided to leave instead of watching them so miserable. I chose to understand as I saw my younger siblings started crying even though they didn't know what was happening. Even though it felt like someone killed us with shame and embarrassment. I thought that was the best way to deal with it. If I stood in my father's way maybe we would be thrown out and no shelter for us. 

Fortunately, the owner was not that a bad person. He still let us stay and give us a chance. But since then I promise to do my best to lift my family in that extremely poor status in life. It was not an easy dream because my parents had no connections and we didn't have the money to provide for my dreams. The path of my dreams was curved and rough. The underestimating and so forth were still there. Even so, I managed to fight it because of what my parents educated me. 

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It's painful of course because the pride should be eaten. I know it's not easy to live without pride. But I endured it and endured it every day after I finally have a decent job. I became successful even though the memories of the past tormenting my heart. Sometimes I wanted to find those people who belittled us and proved to them who I am what we are now. I told my parents about these thoughts of mine to have revenge with them. I know they understood me but they just said to me.

"Son, stay your feet on the ground."

Their words hit me hard and made me more of a mature person. Although it was not easy to suppress that hatred and shame. That's not a bad decision anyway because I feel lighter and happier. 

So when my friend who is my neighbour asked me again.

"Are you sure you're okay with that?"

I glimpsed at him and said.

"I couldn't be happier if I keep on living in the past. It happened already and thanks to that I became who I am now or what I am now."


END..

mrnightmare