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He arrived from the sea because of fishing. I arrived from school when I was in 5th grade. He smiled at me, asked me how was school.

"It's fun Dad," I replied while he took off my socks and shoes. 

He noticed that I had a gloomy face. I didn't say a word as I went inside the house and placed my bag on the table.

"Something's bothering you, son?"
"Someone bullied you? I'll yell at them."

He said it while rubbing my head. I knew he was just joking back then. 

"No, father." I nodded.

"Then what is it? I will never know unless you will not say it to me."

I didn't want my father to have another problem. Fishing those days was so hard. Sometimes he went home and didn't bring any fish but yet he forced himself to smile. I knew my father very well even at a young age.

"My teacher told me that I can't take the examination if I can't pay the tuition fee for this month," I said with a low-tone voice.

"HAHAHAHAHA."

He laughed hard. Pretending that it should not be upset. I knew that he was hiding the problems in his face. He was not a professional actor in faking his feelings. He was good for different people in acting but not from me. I could tell right away that he was just acting.

"Don't worry son. That's just a small problem. Father caught a fish and sold it for a bigger amount of money." 

He lied I knew. I just didn't want him to realise that I knew. I forced myself to laugh like I was surprised and very happy.

"Really, father? You are the best father in this world."

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I lied too. If my father was a liar. I wouldn't deny that I am as well. Those are just some of the memories I had with him. I'm at the cemetery as of this moment because I remember it's his birthday today. I brought liquor and popular food here in the Philippines during a birthday celebration. That food name is "Pansit."

"Father, Father. Can't you see me now I know?"

My tears began to fall again.

"Sorry for leaving you behind just to achieve my dream in life."

My voice is hard to come out with because I feel like my diaphragm is closing. I feel the pain, the regret that I should not leave him. 

"I knew that you lied when you told me that you could be on your own. When you said that you would be fine to be alone as long as I could finish my studies. I knew you lied father but--."

I'm sobbing imagining why I left my father. I knew how he felt back then but I lied as well that I didn't know. I smiled leaving him but when I didn't see him I wanted to go back with him. I decided to suppress my emotions and just left instead.

"I was a fool, Father. I lied again when you said you missed me and if it's fine. You would come and take me home for a while. That was my regrettable action, Father and I hope you will know."

"I'm sorry if I didn't let you come. I was afraid that you would see me not feeling well."

I didn't want my father to see me in that state. I worked as a house boy for me to study. Father's close friend John told my father to adopt me as a son and would send me to school. That's what he said to my father but actually, he made me a houseboy. I didn't want him to see me because I knew for sure he would not let me stay there and wouldn't let me finish my studies.

"I know it's too late now Father to tell everything. I know it doesn't make sense saying these words now that you're gone."

"I know it very well father but--but---."

I want to shout where the heavy feeling in my chest will release.

"BUT I WANT TO LIE TO MYSELF AGAIN THAT YOU'RE STILL HERE BESIDE ME LISTENING AND COMFORTING ME."

I shouted and sobbed. Those happy days with my father will never be back. He left me for sure because of loneliness. He left this world without knowing that I'm such a liar.

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"Excuse me."

A woman's voice came from the back.

"I was your father's friend when he was still alive. He asked me to give you this letter before she dies. I was searching for you but I couldn't. I'm glad I came to lit a candle because it's his birthday."

"Anyway, here's the letter."

She handed me the letter and she left after paying a visit to my father's grave. I slowly open the letter with so much excitement. I don't know what's happening to me but my tears are falling lightly. Perhaps I'm happy to have a letter from my father. I can finally know what he wanted to say to me. 

As I opened the letter I saw the word "LIAR" being capitalised. I paused and it made me think what's that for? I saw short words from the letter.

*"Son, don't worry too much. Don't punish yourself because you thought you lied to me. You didn't know but I learned everything. I decided to keep quiet because I admire your determination. I knew already that you lied. Always remember that I love you so much. What happened to me was not your fault. I want you to be happy and be honest with your feelings. Some people are willing to understand. Just don't hide it but show it."*

*"Father"*

I couldn't stop my tears like a flood from the heavy rain. It flows continuously but some parts of me inside are feeling easy. I cried while smiling. Thanks to my father's words I feel like I can move on with my life alone.

END…

Thank you for reading 

mrnightmare