We're All Heroes, When We Choose to be Survivors 💪 by tanjakolader

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hive-120078 · @tanjakolader · Feb 23 '21

$8.01

We're All Heroes, When We Choose to be Survivors 💪

##### ***Not so long ago I was witness to a conversation between a mother and her adult child, where the child got so fast angry at minuscule critiques of the parent. The grownup child even accused the parent of maybe not having a partner, because of the mother's parenting style; that it affected the way the adult treated (potential) partners. I have also had my fair share of struggles with my parents and especially my mom, so I knew where the adult offspring was coming from. But on the other hand I also empathized with the parent.***

<br>

![image.png](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/tanjakolader/G5VpqLkc-image.png)

[source](https://images-wixmp-ed30a86b8c4ca887773594c2.wixmp.com/f/96f8d888-84ac-4a61-a3bc-10a7e938261e/ddhcp9l-1030aeea-1bda-433a-906b-77ca0df26c5f.png/v1/fill/w_1024,h_683,q_80,strp/lookin__like_a_true_survivor_by_planetvcr_ddhcp9l-fullview.jpg?token=eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJzdWIiOiJ1cm46YXBwOiIsImlzcyI6InVybjphcHA6Iiwib2JqIjpbW3siaGVpZ2h0IjoiPD02ODMiLCJwYXRoIjoiXC9mXC85NmY4ZDg4OC04NGFjLTRhNjEtYTNiYy0xMGE3ZTkzODI2MWVcL2RkaGNwOWwtMTAzMGFlZWEtMWJkYS00MzNhLTkwNmItNzdjYTBkZjI2YzVmLnBuZyIsIndpZHRoIjoiPD0xMDI0In1dXSwiYXVkIjpbInVybjpzZXJ2aWNlOmltYWdlLm9wZXJhdGlvbnMiXX0.s9ZTRLD4tjuy2rFi8ZLybi62v1kQRhKWlr7YdS0d3mI)

---

<h5>

Having had strict (Asian) parenting when growing up, where there was a lot expected from the children regarding education and standing/acting in society, I have endured enough scolding and criticism from my parents and had to hear how disappointed they were in me. When I was younger I took it all in and didn't speak up, as that would've been seen as an act of disrespect. I'm not saying it was all bad though; I have fond memories with my family and my parents were/are proud of me, even if they don't understand all of my own decisions and wouldn't agree to it if it were up to them. And I know it came from a place of love as it was all they knew, because they were brought up in the same way or even worse.

<br>

The only downside to all that was that I hadn't realized then, that it made a dent in my self esteem and that it resulted in me distancing myself from loved ones around me, I became irritable and I pushed people away. I got so angry at a lot of things and most of the time I didn't even know why, until I got some help and learned a lot about myself. I even learned how to express myself, as I used to hold everything in with an angry outburst at the last drip. I learned to say no and how to communicate how I felt/feel in a constructive manner. My parents didn't have to understand or didn't have to agree, but they needed to respect my choices.

<br>

![image.png](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/tanjakolader/apMettSo-image.png)

[source](https://render.fineartamerica.com/images/rendered/default/duvet-cover/images/artworkimages/medium/3/sexual-assault-anti-rape-crime-justice-gift-im-not-a-victim-im-a-survivor-thomas-larch-transparent.png?&targetx=152&targety=98&imagewidth=540&imageheight=648&modelwidth=844&modelheight=844&backgroundcolor=000000&orientation=0&producttype=duvetcover-queen)

---

It was then that I opted out of playing the victim and stopped blaming my parents for the way I felt about myself or the things I wasn't too happy about. I forgave my parents and I accepted that they are also just human beings, who don't always know it all. Now that I'm at this point in life and have a pretty decent relationship with my parents I have never felt so free and so at peace. And that's the power of changing your mindset from that of a victim to that of a survivor: let what you have no control over be, take charge of what you can control and forgive yourself for your own faults as you are also just a human being.

<br>

![image.png](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/tanjakolader/vhdiCRUz-image.png)

[source](https://cdn.quotes.pub/660x400/god-grant-me-the-serenity-to-accept-the-thin-451943.jpg)

---

If you've had any sort of experience like mine or a different one, I would like to know if and how you've overcome it, as we may learn from each other's experiences 😊.

---

### ***Chasse into the backstage!*** 💃

</h5>

---

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battebilly	659,537,000	3%
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outtheshellvlog	858,249,665	3%
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sawyn	715,169,040	3%
realblockchain	5,138,546,010	20%
srijana-gurung	22,419,859,040	50%
indigoocean	8,795,028,932	3%
incubot	6,299,348,978	4.5%
primersion	341,612,643,846	50%
veteranforcrypto	1,398,548,870	0.9%
playdice	827,321,000	2.25%
celinavisaez	8,259,148,472	30%
mightynick	1,035,958,540	6%
gwilberiol	10,442,443,890	5.4%
atimkaranezi93	1,482,530,110	12.5%
diabonua	3,509,990,118	3%
hafizullah	16,255,859,354	10%
jmjury	953,683,695	3%
pladozero	27,346,439,486	10%
nateaguila	196,487,029,275	5%
riverflows	25,247,076,316	5%
stevenwood	1,790,501,408	1.99%
thelaundrylady	4,572,290,624	12.5%
motherofalegend	677,610,357	3%
realkiki85	4,216,671,292	100%
bdmillergallery	60,103,227,781	5%
pialejoana	744,594,654	3%
gravii4	6,983,535,361	100%
uche-nna	4,957,129,190	4.8%
vietthuy	2,183,426,715	50%
schroders	2,421,321,727	1.8%
dzoji	1,286,771,662	6%
hardaeborla	2,802,151,511	3%
citizendog	7,377,436,002	6%
digitaldan	3,969,790,918	6.25%
yougotavote	4,045,944,057	100%
cheese4ead	3,459,083,915	3%
remotehorst23	7,309,110,721	6.68%
blewitt	5,448,216,392	0.3%
karamyog	1,285,497,838	100%
khasa	24,763,647,165	50%
cmplxty	20,185,044,587	5.01%
thinkwise	718,147,172	6%
ilovecryptopl	871,643,545	4.8%
mindblast	6,176,408,550	3%
lexilee	6,729,546,397	6%
militaryphoto	3,011,177,227	6%
yisunshin	3,981,530,196	6%
rokarmy	2,761,577,829	6%
rokairforce	6,791,980,712	1.2%
nutritree	14,817,841,833	35%
bflanagin	4,315,129,384	3%
armandosodano	21,984,532,195	3%
lifeskills-tv	1,707,349,062	3.34%
sadbear	550,886,508	3%
acousticguitar	11,804,092,328	50%
marivic10	753,910,190	3%
smg	698,191,577	2.75%
cyrusemerson	46,963,846,178	100%
goblinknackers	129,037,416,093	4%
honeycup-waters	612,047,118	3%
yaelg	956,280,789	1.8%
pavanjr	31,418,621,552	100%
kylealex	4,573,017,617	10%
minnowspeed	3,638,176,478	50%
orlandogonzalez	4,720,085,562	25%
minimining	1,712,979,275	3%
voxmortis	1,167,650,625	0.66%
enjoycompany	2,972,769,482	12.5%
marcocasario	13,419,928,793	3%
porters	7,650,828,978	6.25%
voter000	1,577,337,766	6.3%
palasatenea	871,879,730	3%
silverkey	895,001,352	5%
silvervault	1,898,966,179	5%
the.success.club	2,712,921,925	3%
chickenmeat	1,181,153,341	3%
jackofcrows	1,489,608,410	3%
tommyl33	993,205,680	3%
naturalmedicine	740,783,171,559	25%
thevil	12,238,478,326	3.34%
brianoflondon	10,874,236,994	0.9%
esthersanchez	8,270,544,778	60%
milky-concrete	3,411,578,004	3.34%
earthtribe	19,995,355,902	25%
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adalger	22,833,802,539	2%
solarphasing	549,586,394	5%
themightysquid	3,090,222,138	100%
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hiddendragon	637,847,670	38%
theskmeister	19,841,654,112	100%
autobodhi	635,993,737	6%
morarnagringa	1,219,124,669	100%
robmojo	686,556,578	0.3%
double-negative	525,161,205	20%
tigerrkg	39,960,637,359	100%
clockviper	21,029,342	10%
bit4bit	5,123,367,497	6%
michaias	2,099,197,189	75%
tankadiary	21,901,392	8%
jacuzzi	4,336,271,228	3%
samsemilia7	7,902,697,458	39%
vaultec	3,176,897,038	12%
steemstorage	7,330,720,094	6%
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navyactifit	1,161,030,200	2.4%
birdwatcher	13,372,311,669	2%
juanbg	1,683,312,392	10%
baasdebeer	581,037,188	4.5%
hairgistix	2,978,488,065	3%
rem-steem	1,338,305,241	1.2%
pseudohaiku	168,577,028	40%
bluemaskman	564,745,326	3%
abbenay	627,186,409	3%
cryptological	687,904,468	3%
afternoondrinks	596,368,131	4.5%
steemean	10,016,137,435	5%
raynen	3,979,889,726	100%
proxy-pal	889,898,021	5.1%
deveney	520,654,304	100%
wildhomesteading	11,845,319,805	35%
breakout101	799,642,366	3%
kggymlife	834,488,323	3%
alchemystones	27,394,152,888	100%
jackramsey	833,428,229	4.2%
filosof103	2,446,672,370	3%
elements5	1,599,845,122	3%
squareonefarms	5,450,007,961	25%
epicdice	3,663,854,191	1.8%
iamsaray	1,697,262,964	3%
pearltwin	3,243,909,113	6%
robibasa	17,102,600,268	10%
scholaris	8,431,002,327	1.5%
banvie	47,204,752,695	100%
newtrailers	971,753,948	6%
fractalfrank	6,959,531,759	3%
botony	60,019,729	3.84%
dragonblades	525,698,695	100%
tinyhousecryptos	520,180,689	5%
rtron86	4,377,806,471	50%
tggr	603,817,719	1.5%
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hutty	737,682,835	100%
titan-c	1,719,857,945	6%
gvkanten	15,895,799,665	100%
mind.force	937,540,279	1.5%
ssiena	912,153,920	5.01%
reggaesteem	542,334,825	5%
babytarazkp	687,981,546	10%
kaeves4711	2,065,612,644	25%
wanderingmoon	4,719,661,645	50%
partitura.bpc	309,941,786	100%
sreypov	107,012,906,601	50%
curangel	5,714,806,980,402	6.68%
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precarious	11,962,204,136	50%
tyrionlens	20,984,991,806	100%
daeshim	6,920,357,265	100%
andylein	16,109,524,424	20%
rpi	16,124,721	10%
entrepreneur.one	2,398,672,748	100%
behram	9,556,631,750	50%
joshmania	2,825,576,183	3.34%
zyzzyva	1,539,739,432	6%
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abh12345.medi	2,838,716,715	98%
herzinfuck	2,771,149,142	3%
dmoonfire	23,384,674,946	71%
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hornetsnest	4,488,250,193	3%
wolven-znz	17,191,257,644	17%
yuurinbee-znz	11,239,543,030	17%
janaliana	1,884,423,640	6.68%
vicvperezdelara	2,210,970,088	12.5%
kyleana	683,526,940	12.5%
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maitt87	1,169,805,232	3%
gradeon	825,772,609	6%
hiveonboard	6,804,479,992	3%
ninnu	1,295,150,901	0.3%
nockzonk	1,844,906,152	10%
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kaseldz	796,032,273	3%
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datavix	525,573,442	25%
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keco	1,408,255,850	100%
mercurial9	20,220,689,536	100%
vicnzia	1,404,671,820	3%
spirall	587,274,058	3%
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perkysleen	4,505,454,663	12.5%
raishmi	5,653,098,732	100%
chin-diapers	2,936,135,776	6%
kattycrochet	657,530,293	3.34%
cosplay.hadr	635,993,022	3%
hadrgames	654,016,375	3%
rarej.ctp	0	100%
yaluna	19,975,901,375	60%
hivechat	758,296,228	3.34%
bluelotusdigital	1,604,774,837	100%
fruityfruitz	1,953,949,862	48%
pimpstudio-cash	3,931,685,222	100%
rebet	409,351,240	40%
bearmol	7,899,674,232	100%
hypnochain	0	6%
hive-163105	0	6%
scholaris.lotus	322,741,151	20%
eturnerx-honey	1,539,690,494	5%
badge-406715	0	6%
rifkan545	0	100%

@curie · Feb 23 '21

Congrats on a Curie vote!

Hi tanjakolader,
<div class="pull-right">
https://hiveitimages.com/DQmXgrYG8AKimJKRSu2urPB5SPcftN6GCGx2gVJJMwBkuTu/Curie%20Logo%2075px.png
</div>
This post  has been upvoted by the Curie community curation project and associated vote trail as exceptional content (human curated and reviewed).  Have a great day :) <br>
 
Visit <a href="http://curiehive.com/">curiehive.com</a> or join the <a href="https://discord.gg/G6RPUMu">Curie Discord community</a> to learn more.

👍 tanjakolader, rarej.ctp, dorothy2brown

`author`	curie
`permlink`	re-we-re-all-heroes-when-we-choose-to-be-survivors-20210223t024549
`category`	hive-120078
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properties (23)vote details (3)

voter	rshares	pct
dorothy2brown	0	100%
tanjakolader	15,520,926,169	15%
rarej.ctp	0	100%

@tanjakolader · Feb 25 '21

Thank you and am very grateful 😊

👍 rarej.ctp

properties (23)vote details (1)

voter	weight	wgt%	rshares	pct	time
rarej.ctp	0 B		0	100%

@hivebuzz · Feb 23 '21

Congratulations @tanjakolader! You have completed the following achievement on the Hive blockchain and have been rewarded with new badge(s) :

<table><tr><td><img src="https://images.hive.blog/60x70/http://hivebuzz.me/@tanjakolader/posts.png?202102230414"></td><td>You published more than 60 posts.<br>Your next target is to reach 70 posts.</td></tr>
</table>

<sub>_You can view your badges on [your board](https://hivebuzz.me/@tanjakolader) and compare yourself to others in the [Ranking](https://hivebuzz.me/ranking)_</sub>
<sub>_If you no longer want to receive notifications, reply to this comment with the word_ `STOP`</sub>



**Check out the last post from @hivebuzz:**
<table><tr><td><a href="/hivebuzz/@hivebuzz/pud-202103"><img src="https://images.hive.blog/64x128/https://i.imgur.com/805FIIt.jpg"></a></td><td><a href="/hivebuzz/@hivebuzz/pud-202103">Hive Power Up Day - March 1st 2021 - Hive Power Delegation</a></td></tr><tr><td><a href="/hivebuzz/@hivebuzz/tour-update2"><img src="https://images.hive.blog/64x128/https://i.imgur.com/xecznXF.png"></a></td><td><a href="/hivebuzz/@hivebuzz/tour-update2">Hive Tour Update - Communities</a></td></tr></table>

👍 rarej.ctp

`author`	hivebuzz
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properties (23)vote details (1)

voter	weight	wgt%	rshares	pct	time
rarej.ctp	0 B		0	100%

@justinparke · Feb 25 '21

$0.04

I very much understand where you're coming from. I still dream a day will come when my parents visit me in Cambodia, which would be a major breakthrough. I guess if it was going to happen, it would've happened during the 10 years I lived there. Like you, I've realized it's best to let certain feelings go and keep movin' forward. !wine

---
<center>Posted on [NaturalMedicine.io](https://www.naturalmedicine.io/@justinparke/qp2cgl)</center>

👍 mmmmkkkk311, friendsofgondor, tanjakolader, misterengagement, abh12345.neox, rarej.ctp

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properties (23)vote details (6)

voter	rshares	pct
mmmmkkkk311	83,808,903,439	1%
friendsofgondor	34,506,268,860	5.2%
misterengagement	5,700,371,518	20%
abh12345.neox	60,023,302	20%
tanjakolader	21,748,206,835	20%
rarej.ctp	0	100%

@misterengagement · Feb 26 '21

<center>  Thank you for your engagement on this post, you have recieved <code>ENGAGE</code> tokens.</center>

👍 rarej.ctp

`author`	misterengagement
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properties (23)vote details (1)

voter	weight	wgt%	rshares	pct	time
rarej.ctp	0 B		0	100%

@tanjakolader · Feb 26 '21 (edited)

Hmmmm sounds so familiar...
I remember when I had expected certain things from my parents and it didn't happen, I felt so hurt and alone. But when I brought it up they said they didn't know, so that's also how I learned to ask and not just expect things to come naturally. And of course some people do ask and don't receive from the people they expect it to come from. I am empathic to those.

Just like you said "let it go" and who knows you might get it from someone you totally didn't expect it from.

Bless!

!ENGAGE 20

👍 rarej.ctp

properties (23)vote details (1)

voter	weight	wgt%	rshares	pct	time
rarej.ctp	0 B		0	100%

@wine.bot · Feb 25 '21

<center>
<sup>Congratulations, @justinparke You Successfully Shared <b>0.200 WINE</b> With @tanjakolader.</sup>
<sup>You Earned <b>0.200 WINE</b> As Curation Reward.</sup>
<sup>You Utilized <b>2/3</b> Successful Calls.</sup>

<img src="https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/theguruasia/xUzavzNY-Wine5Greeting.png" alt="wine-greeting">
<sup>Total Purchase : <b>17817.382 WINE</b> & Last Price : <b>0.280 HIVE</b></sup>
<sup><b>[HURRY UP & GET YOUR SPOT IN WINE INITIAL TOKEN OFFERING -ITO-](https://wine-ico.github.io/)</b></sup>
---
<sup>[WINE Current Market Price](https://hive-engine.com/?p=market&t=WINE) : <b>2.990 HIVE</b></sup>
</center>

👍 rarej.ctp

`author`	wine.bot
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properties (23)vote details (1)

voter	weight	wgt%	rshares	pct	time
rarej.ctp	0 B		0	100%

@minismallholding · Feb 24 '21

$0.04

This absolutely resonates with me. It's often easier to blame others for our issues, unfortunately it doesn't end up helping us. 

My sister and I were failed by our parents in some things I'm not going to go into. Both of us at one point went through a stage where we blamed and resented them for those failures. Ultimately, like you've said, only we ourselves can do anything to change our emotional situation and we both healed and moved on. While I won't say I'll ever have a trusting relationship with my parents, we remain fairly close and I have long forgiven them for their mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes in their lives and if you can't forgive someone else there's, then why should anyone then choose to forgive you yours. It makes no sense to continue what is essentially only punishing yourself in the long run.

👍 mmmmkkkk311, friendsofgondor, tanjakolader, misterengagement, abh12345.battle

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properties (23)vote details (5)

voter	rshares	pct
mmmmkkkk311	82,195,812,811	1%
friendsofgondor	33,493,602,140	5.2%
misterengagement	5,271,680,367	20%
abh12345.battle	0	19%
tanjakolader	25,839,214,416	25%

@misterengagement · Feb 25 '21

<center>  Thank you for your engagement on this post, you have recieved <code>ENGAGE</code> tokens.</center>

👍 rarej.ctp

`author`	misterengagement
`permlink`	re-re-tanjakolader-qp0nko-20210225t014717z
`category`	hive-120078
`json_metadata`	"{"app": "beem/0.24.20"}"
`created`	2021-02-25 01:47:18
`last_update`	2021-02-25 01:47:18
`depth`	2
`children`	0
`last_payout`	2021-03-04 01:47:18
`cashout_time`	1969-12-31 23:59:59
`total_payout_value`	0.000 HBD
`curator_payout_value`	0.000 HBD
`pending_payout_value`	0.000 HBD
`promoted`	0.000 HBD
`body_length`	108
`author_reputation`	4,086,989,259,756
`root_title`	"We're All Heroes, When We Choose to be Survivors 💪"
`beneficiaries`	`[]`
`max_accepted_payout`	1,000,000.000 HBD
`percent_hbd`	10,000
`post_id`	102,052,542
`net_rshares`	0
`author_curate_reward`	""

properties (23)vote details (1)

voter	weight	wgt%	rshares	pct	time
rarej.ctp	0 B		0	100%

@tanjakolader · Feb 25 '21

$0.09

!ENGAGE 20

Ah, thank you for sharing your story... I know it's not easy to talk about past bad experiences. I am even weighing when I'm thinking about sharing stories from own experiences. I'm not afraid per se for being judged, but some things we as people want to keep to ourselves. But when I do decide to share things, is because I want to let people know that they are not alone.

It took a while for me too, to realize I had to let go and eventually to forgive. But it made the bonds with my family even stronger I would say 😊

👍 justinparke, minismallholding, rarej.ctp

properties (23)vote details (3)

voter	rshares	pct
minismallholding	66,620,138,023	12%
justinparke	267,031,281,885	54%
rarej.ctp	0	100%