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I am now on the train back home after what I consider a successful  training event, even though the material I created for it was very much lacking, as I had missed a couple translation errors and left a bit un translated. Luckily, I was the second trainer today and the lead was really good and knew the content very well in Finnish, so was able to make up for it. It was also nice to be the second trainer who was essentially "in charge" of keeping people involved and engaged. Not a bad deal. 

The train I am on is almost empty, even though it should be one of the busiest times for commuting from the capital back to the other cities. With so many people working remotely, it is amazing there are trains running at all, let alone several every hour between the larger cities. I don't mind the emptiness. 

![IMG_20201201_150437 1.jpg](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/tarazkp/khbXUc90-IMG_20201201_150437201.jpg)

While home is where the heart is, home at the moment is apparently a pretty cold place to be, hence the blue hue of the pictures. Yesterday, the radiators were installed upstairs, today - *we have no heating at all* and with the overnight temperatures expected to be around -5 Celsius and about zero now, the house is already quite cold and cooling down fast. We have one electric radiator that we can put into Smallsteps' room so she won't freeze, but that isn't going to cut it. It is quite frustrating and disappointing, considering that this is an entirely new heating system installed in late April and we have had trouble with it the whole time.  

![IMG_20201201_150814.jpg](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/tarazkp/10B08YLX-IMG_20201201_150814.jpg)

Last night, I was able to catch up with a friend and he was saying how several of his colleagues are on burnout leave and I know several others around the place the same. This is something I predicted at the first mention of "go remote" and the subsequent lockdowns, and I mentioned this to my supervisor to make sure that they keep an eye on how staff are affected.

I believe that since it was *so easy* to actually start working remotely, people underestimated the impact it will have on their mental well-being, especially when it is compounded by the other factors of why people had to go remote. People are still living in fear, they are still worried about family, they are still being forced to behave in unnatural ways, they are still uncertain about the future - and many don't have anyone to talk to about it in a way that helps them cope.  

![IMG_20201201_145238.jpg](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/tarazkp/w5P7HTIo-IMG_20201201_145238.jpg)


If anything good does come out of this nonsense, I think it might be that people could realize how despite their protestations, they actually rely on their community heavily for their own health. Normally, we can get annoyed and take people for granted, wishing we could be left alone at times - but once that absence is actually felt, it seems that many of us start to crumble when left to our own devices. 


![image.png](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/tarazkp/yklBxWbP-image.png)

Quite fitting in this day and age as, we are literally left to *our own devices* and when we "do as we please" - we don't seem to do a very good job of managing ourselves or our time effectively. Like my friend said last night, many people don't seem suited to making the choice of what they should work on and do better when they have to get up and go to work each day, essentially having their tasks outlined for them. It is an interesting conflict when so many people wish to "be free" yet when they are to even some degree, they look for structure and culture to tell them what to do. I think that many people are actually quite glad for the lockdown restrictions dictated by governments, as it means they can feel like they are doing something useful without having to think about what is useful or if it is relevant themselves. 

For me, I know that I need both the space to be alone and the space to be with people I can relax with and talk about all kinds of things. I also know that while the digital world is suitable for some parts of social experience, it falls far short of being able to completely fill the social void, no matter how much people seem to want it too. 

Many seem to think that real life is too messy, so seek out the escape of digital, but I get the sense that the people who are living too much digital life are the messiest among us, people who are often suffering all kinds of mental ailments. It could be that without the tempering effect that socializing can have on us, the mind starts to wander, lose structure and unravel - whilst simultaneously losing the connection and compassion for real people. Everyone becomes an avatar in an engineered world, feeling invincible alone in the digital world, but also lonely and vulnerable, making them less likely to venture out to find real connection. 

I think more people are feeling blue than they will have let on, but also do not want to show the world that they are uncertain, unsure about their place in an environment that has shifted in ways that most people didn't predict. 

>Blue are the people here that walk around
Blue like my corvette its standing outside
Blue are the words I say and what I think
Blue are the feelings that live inside me.

Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]

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