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Do you remember your summers as a kid?

Summers were always sunny, which some people will see as a poor memory, but as I grew up in Australia, it was pretty much guaranteed. In my family, we didn't travel and we spent much of the time at home, kicking around the house. I remember my dad sitting shirtless and in a pair of old blue shorts that were too short, painting at a canvas in the hallway for hours on end. And my mother doing what she did, sewing or in the garden. 

Spending some days at a friends house, or them at mine. Riding my bike around the blocks or hitting a hockey ball against a concrete step. Summers were about not doing much and very little was ever organized or planned. That was the way in my family, if something was done, it would be spur of the moment, ad hoc. 



![sunset life.jpg](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/tarazkp/23y8ueE3TxFBviTSb2AeZvaGomHsfS6zrUsXohyF9DRLjjSQ2p8LFat4r8FDwVXVK23WJ.jpg)


It is different in Finland, as everything seems to be created into an event. There is no "grab a towel and  let's go to the beach" and instead, it requires shopping trips for food and arms filled with anything that a beach trip could possibly require. 

There is very little spontaneity here, everything needs to be scheduled and booked, time put away, mentally prepared for. While it makes things easier in many respects, it takes out a lot of the mystery and excitement, the passion and the chance for randomness. It doesn't matter if people have no need to plan and are free, they tend to prefer a life of *low surprise,* and then wonder why so many of their relationships fail.

"I wish my husband was more spontaneous"

*Yet when the husband is, the same woman will complain about not having adequate time to prepare.*

Stereotypical. *And common.*

With kids it is necessary to plan a bit though, especially with our child. It is getting much better now, but in order to go *anywhere,* we have had to plan every bit of food she is going to require and then some extras, as nothing was able to be bought along the way. Each outing really was an event and as a result, we didn't go out that much. In the last couple months though, we have been able to relax more as her food range has expanded to the point that at some restaurants and eateries, there is something she can have. We just have to search ahead to check. There is no fast food though - which I don't mind at all. 

This has set up challenges for "getting away" from our daughter too, as the only people who are willing to look after her overnight are her grandparents and they are elderly, and not able to do it too often. They love taking care of her, but they do not sleep well when she is there, as they worry about her too much, even though they needn't anymore. 

Tonight though, she will spend the night with them, which is only a couple weeks after the last time she was there  though the reason she was there last time was because I was in hospital.

Smallsteps turns five next month and is learning to read, write and count. Well, she has been learning since she was born really, since she and I have played word games her whole life and she has known her alphabet, numbers and how to read letters and digits individually for years already. But in the last month, we have made a more concerted effort and she is picking it up faster than I thought she would. 

Finnish is a phonetic language, so it is written how it is said, making it easier to learn in many respects. She is learning in English too, but we are concentrating on the Finnish to begin with, as it is a perfect entry for her.

She wrote this letter for her grandparents, to let them know she was visiting. 

![IMG_20210709_104140.jpg](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/tarazkp/23xf5BV3tnSSUbPjUL67HcUK2EygwpiF785kBybsZMnXB8DwMFgyzB6BvC1ongUWXHVLv.jpg)

*Hello Mummi and Pappa
I am coming there at lunchtime!
Greetings*
~~Smallsteps~~

My wife took her there a few minutes ago for the evening. 

I gave her hugs and kisses, asked her what she is going to dream about and told her to be good for her grandparents.

>"I am always good for Mummi and Pappa"
*Then why aren't you always good for Mummy and Daddy?*
"Ahhahahahah"

Tonight my wife and I are heading to a restaurant for dinner, as she got a gift card from her previous workplace that needs to be used. So, we organized the evening, made table reservations and will have a well-planned evening ahead. It isn't exactly romantic sounding, is it?

*Romance is dead.* 

At least if so much planning is required. It isn't a bunch of flowers or a nice dinner, a piece of jewelry, or a box of chocolates - it is in the spontaneity of action the spur of the moment, the thoughts about another when you "shouldn't" be thinking about them at all - and letting them know it.

In a world of constant planning, the magic is lost. The art. 

Everything can click into place perfectly like Lego pieces - and still not fit.

To some, this might sound bitter sweet, as if I am missing something in my life or complaining about the way my world is structured, but it isn't about that at all. It is about seasons of experience and how there are ups and downs, needs and desires, ideals and possibilities. There is no such thing as a constant, there is no such thing as forever, there is no such thing as perfect when it comes to human experience. The conditions are always changing and what is available in the moment is not in the next. We might want it all, all of the time, but it is an impossibility, *and we are incapable,* even if it were possible. 

My daughter will excitedly learn to read and open herself up to a world of wonder and possibility, knowledge passed down through the ages - and all of the horrors it contains. She will lose her innocence and have a choice in front of her to make - will she stay ignorant to the world, or open herself up to understanding, even though she knows it may be painful. Risk and reward. 

There is something to be said about life being a struggle. Just as there is truth in the concept of ignorance is bliss. We want the bliss, yet we do not want to be considered ignorant. We want the life, but we want to avoid the struggle. 

What will be remembered in the winter of life?


Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]




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