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| author | bidoof |
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| permlink | how-i-left-christianity-behind-and-became-an-atheist |
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| title | "How I left Christianity Behind and Became an Atheist" |
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| body | "<p>I grew up in a Christian home. I was very devout.</p>
<h1> *✴️*❇️ <strong>Paranoia</strong> ❇️*✴️ *</h1>
<p>At around eight years old it dawned on me that god, if he was real, could pose a genuine threat to my wellbeing. My biggest fear: the rapture. I was taught that the world as we knew it was going to end very soon, possibly before I hit puberty. I was taught that if I wasn't good enough by god's standards I would have to remain on earth and suffer horrible things under the antichrist's rule. I had frequent nightmares about being buried alive or decapitated for my faith. Even if I was raptured, some of my loved ones who were atheists would have been left behind and they would have had to undergo horrible things. How could anyone remain happy in heaven when those they love are suffering on earth or in hell? I figured that in heaven, god would simply put people in a drugged-like state in which they couldn't feel emotional pain. God would take away our free will and would manipulate our minds. It was the only explanation I could think of.</p>
<p>I was also afraid that Satan and his cronies would come after me because of my faith. After all, at church, I constantly heard talk of spiritual warfare and demons causing other christians grief. I was told that demons were afraid of Jesus so sometimes, at night, I would spend hours praying to chase away any evil spirit that might be nearby. I still didn't feel safe because I didn't know when they would come back. And what if god decided to hurt me to ''teach me a lesson''? I often heard that god would test his children by putting them through hardships. I lived in constant fear of spiritual entities tearing me apart.</p>
<p>When I was ten, my atheist father died and I constantly wondered whether he was burning in hell. I never understood how a christian with a classical view on hell could attent a nonbeliever's funeral without feeling devastated. Imagine believing your father is being tortured by the nazis in Auschwitz; that's how I felt. But instead of nazis, it was demons skinning him alive.</p>
<h1><strong> </strong> *✴️*<strong>❇️ Testing God ❇️ *</strong>✴️* </h1>
<p>At around sixteen years old, I decided to try something. All my life I had heard that dabbling in things like wicca would lead to horrible things happening. And so I began sinning on purpose, expecting god to give me a sign that I was doing the wrong thing. I expected my life to get worse because of all the evil spirits I was intentionally letting in. To my surprise, nothing happened. There was no punishment from god, no handshake from the devil. It was then that I realized I had been lied to; things like witchcraft aren't dangerous and the pastors who said it could lead to demonic possession were just profiting from people's fear. Then I realized witchcraft was bogus, too. I began doubting the existence of all spirits.</p>
<p><br /></p>
<h1>*✴️*<strong>❇️ Finding Myself ❇️ *</strong>✴️* </h1>
<p>I started researching religion. The deeper I dug, the more evidence of the christian god's nonexistence I found. Gradually I dropped all my old beliefs and shed the fear I had been carrying with me for years. I genuinely believed in god, and I can honestly say that I feel much better as an atheist.</p>" |
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