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| 1. | | parent_author | "" |
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| parent_permlink | hive-120078 |
|---|
| author | trucklife-family |
|---|
| permlink | how-becoming-fragmented-led-me-to-becoming-whole-mental-health-awareness |
|---|
| title | "How Becoming Fragmented, Led Me To Becoming Whole - Mental Health Awareness " |
|---|
| body | "
<b><i>Our mental health goes hand in hand with our physical health and spiritual health. They encompass all that we are. For us to be healthy we need to nurture all parts of ourselves, to embrace them and accept them. It is a life long journey, maintaining good health. Something that we need to be keep educating ourselves about, with our greatest teacher being oneself. </i></b>
<center>
</center>
I have went through my life so far, experiencing quite a few bouts of depression and self harm, as I found the strength to navigate the challenges that came into my life. Life is full of challenges, full of pain and love in equal measures, it has been for me anyhow. I grew up seeing love as something that hurt, something that was destructive.
This view, I formed at a very young age, by watching how my parents interacted with one another and with me and my sisters. This was Learned behaviour, that my father carried with him from his childhood. He continued this line of abuse. I can not really speak for him, I do not know why he did so, other than he knew no other way. But I know he had a choice, but sometimes choices are very hard to make and we choose to stick with what we know.
During my teenage years, I suffered a few black outs, one of which happened in school and the principal send for the local priest, of all people. I remember sitting in the guidance counsellor's room and the priest coming to talk to me, to ask me how things were at home. I didn't speak to him, I didn't want to. There is nothing he could do, I was no longer being abused at home, but the damage was done and I had already began my journey of healing.
For quite a while I went through a period of not speaking to my parents at all. I would come back from school and go straight to my room. I had no words for them, as I tried to process some of the memories that haunted my nights.
But I found release in poetry, in the power of expression. Finding a way to let the pain and confusion flow from me. I could not speak, but I could write! Just recently I found a small bundle of poems I wrote when I was 16 or so. One of them called blue, shines some light on my troubled mind.
<center><b>Afraid to close my eyes
I search for comfort in the dark,
but find an open door
the fears which play inside my head
the creeping senses
which burn my mind.
Do I dare believe
that all is as it should be
or do the questions which I pose
request a truth
a truth which only brings the sun to burn and die!
Awake
a shadow dances within my mind
confused for what it holds,
I seem to reach a peace
But time,
the only keeper
which is held by none
I lose the thought
and die within my sleep.
Dancing Fairies
alive on withered lands.
I look to witness all the blood condemned
The mixture seems to gather at my feet
and all too soon I seem to hear a beat,
The stick falls
The sky
it seems to weep,
I witness Life
at last I fall asleep.</b></center>
Reading this now, I can see so much of myself in there, of my fears, of my struggle to sleep, of my confusion about life, that their had to be more than what I had!
Of course there was and I caught glimpses of it every time I was out in nature. My writing opened up a door for me. It allowed me to express who I was and what I was feeling. It gave me a voice, even if no one ever got to read it. Writing it on paper brought it to life and once it was brought to life outside of me, I could process it and let some of it go.
Being able to tap into my creative side, allowed me to tap into my power. Which is something I struggled with for so long. When someone hurts you, you disconnect from your power and it can take quite a while to re make that connection again. But I found it, in my writing and also whenever I was out in nature.
Roaming out in the fields that surrounded my childhood home, I felt safe and accepted. I could be me. It allowed me to hold on to who I was, because we can lose ourselves in our pain and suffering. It can take over and it is very hard to think, to function. We can easily shut down, because our spark for life is dwindling, as our will to live grows weaker. Unless we have something that helps us out of our pain and somewhere we feel safe and nurtured.
Each time we survive, it is like a rebirth of ourselves. Just like birth itself, a women needs to feel safe and secure to birth her young naturally.
We are growing and changing all of the time and as we experience life, we can find ourselves reliving our painful past. But this in itself is an opportunity to heal. To see our pain in a different light and begin to transform it. Learning to embrace the many different sides of ourselves and the many different ways in which we can heal.
<b>True healing comes from within.</b>
From reconnecting with who we are and tapping into our power, our strength. We build walls around ourselves for protection, but those walls are internalized as well and we end up cutting off parts of who we are. We become fragmented.
<center><b>I continue to live my life, reconnecting and finding new ways in which to lower my walls. Embracing my mental health, my well being. It is a huge part of my journey and it has made me into who I am today. My upbringing has made me super sensitive, something that I once viewed as a weakness, but now, now I see it for what it is, a beautiful gift that helps me see and connect with the world around me. This in itself has brought me great healing. </b>
<h3>Acceptance is key! </h3>
https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmTNAcxn2LAJZcaiiG2QcccfphzNQ1x8rHq1z9tJ5rrHak/image.png
<center>
</center>
<center></center>
<center>
<a href="https://peakd.com/@naturalmedicine">
<img src="https://files.steempeak.com/file/steempeak/riverflows/G7mNMQoW-naturalmedicinebannernew2.png">
<sub>Join The Best Natural Health Community on Hive</sub></a>
</center>
<center></center>" |
|---|
| json_metadata | {"app":"peakd/2020.10.8","format":"markdown","tags":["mentalhealthawareness","naturalmedicine","nature","writing","poetry","healing","mindfulness","selflove"],"users":["naturalmedicine"],"links":["/@naturalmedicine"],"image":["https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/trucklife-family/Dfz9bJ4t-image.png","https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmTNAcxn2LAJZcaiiG2QcccfphzNQ1x8rHq1z9tJ5rrHak/image.png","https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/trucklife-family/rGuZD1G1-image.png","https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmPwgdZFjHRUjDRLRjba9ZqgWseYKyXC75PoJYeV6zRQ8o/image.png","https://files.steempeak.com/file/steempeak/riverflows/G7mNMQoW-naturalmedicinebannernew2.png","https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmWkbJmSEWx3befz8JEEg9JXgfVmhsM6KqbzNZejqQQjKg/DESERT%20ADVENTURE.png"]} |
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| transaction_id | 242138e551ee966d95c44fde33152f18f3accde4 |
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| 15. | | ref_block_num | 2,964 |
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| ref_block_prefix | 2,604,489,741 |
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| expiration | 2020-10-27 21:22:15 |
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| operations | | 0. | | 0. | custom_json |
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| 1. | | required_auths | |
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| id | cbm__daily_quests__claim |
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| json | "{"name":"daily quests","action":"claim","payload":{"identifier":{"name":"Neutral 2 Row Barley Malt"},"user":"@treefiddybruh","result":[{"type":"CARD","value":{"name":"2 Row Barley Malt","quality":"NORMAL"}}],"timestamp":1603830193134}}" |
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| 16. | | ref_block_num | 2,945 |
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| ref_block_prefix | 2,692,409,115 |
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| expiration | 2020-10-27 20:33:12 |
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| operations | | 0. | | 0. | custom_json |
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| 1. | | required_auths | [] |
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| required_posting_auths | |
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| id | sm_submit_team |
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| json | {"trx_id":"a51103fdc43d1fffa69b7943ed01d4df6f9daa3a","team_hash":"e0866bb84975187602ba80dc3ace45d9","summoner":"starter-167-eEqoj","monsters":["starter-157-Zlzwo","starter-158-xBmQ2","C3-87-AZ3VUTOV0G","starter-163-qiq2h","starter-194-LmQrP","starter-196-LAC3a"],"secret":"59b40fa83f","app":"steemmonsters/0.7.48"} |
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| 17. | | ref_block_num | 2,945 |
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| ref_block_prefix | 2,692,409,115 |
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| expiration | 2020-10-27 20:33:12 |
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| operations | | 0. | | 0. | custom_json |
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| 1. | | required_auths | [] |
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| id | sm_submit_team |
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| json | {"trx_id":"00e0b35765ce8582e48d58e8d9d8933411f22650","team_hash":"45593f5ae5d1c77816e3d497b9d524e4","summoner":"starter-5-T26ek","monsters":["starter-8-jkjGT","starter-3-vbW0J","starter-1-4CKdQ"],"secret":"erCOw5oKun","app":"splinterlands/0.7.48"} |
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| ref_block_prefix | 2,692,409,115 |
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| expiration | 2020-10-27 20:33:12 |
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| operations | | 0. | | 0. | custom_json |
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| 1. | | required_auths | |
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| required_posting_auths | [] |
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| id | ssc-mainnet-hive |
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| json | {"contractName":"nftmarket","contractAction":"sell","contractPayload":{"symbol":"CITY","nfts":["473446","473474","473481","473499","473509","473511","473512","473551","473554","473555","473557","473558","473565","473572","473580","473601","473602","473605","473631","473684","473710","473713","473736","473740","473746","473762","473764","473770","473778","473784","473838","473958","473965","474086","474090","474101","474113","474142","474165","474176","474182","474203","474204","474212","474213","474222","474224","474225","474227"],"price":"50","priceSymbol":"SWAP.HIVE","fee":500}} |
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| 19. | | ref_block_num | 2,945 |
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| ref_block_prefix | 2,692,409,115 |
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| expiration | 2020-10-27 20:33:12 |
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| operations | | 0. | | 0. | custom_json |
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| 1. | | required_auths | [] |
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| id | sm_find_match |
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| json | {"match_type":"Ranked","app":"steemmonsters/0.7.48"} |
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| extensions | [] |
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| expiration | 2020-10-27 21:22:16 |
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| operations | | 0. | | 0. | custom_json |
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| 1. | | required_auths | |
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| required_posting_auths | [] |
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| id | cbm__daily_quests__start |
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| json | "{"name":"daily quests","action":"start","payload":{"identifier":{"name":"Good Local Bittering Hops"},"user":"@treefiddybruh","energy_cost":{"quantity":3},"time_cost":{"quantity":60.0,"unit":"min"},"cost":{"quantity":2.7,"currency":"CBM"},"timestamp":1603830196703}}" |
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| extensions | [] |
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| transaction_id | 6ae297a9144a97b9e0086060b9da0f8c85599f44 |
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| block_num | 48,171,926 |
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| transaction_num | 20 |
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| 21. | | ref_block_num | 2,945 |
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| ref_block_prefix | 2,692,409,115 |
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| expiration | 2020-10-27 20:33:12 |
|---|
| operations | | 0. | | 0. | feed_publish |
|---|
| 1. | | publisher | elindos |
|---|
| exchange_rate | | base | 0.137 HBD |
|---|
| quote | 1.000 HIVE |
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|---|
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|---|
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|---|
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| extensions | [] |
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| transaction_id | c17dfafc2963af913842593df29bda4b42629db8 |
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| block_num | 48,171,926 |
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| transaction_num | 21 |
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| 22. | | ref_block_num | 2,963 |
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| ref_block_prefix | 3,058,490,017 |
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| expiration | 2020-10-27 20:24:09 |
|---|
| operations | | 0. | | 0. | vote |
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| 1. | | voter | berlissanoja |
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| author | lacrucita |
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| permlink | 16a9ed33-347a-42ef-954d-faa8066bd10b |
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| weight | 10,000 |
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| extensions | [] |
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| transaction_id | d3b19c450633242f51ebb174e1c096c7ee83d00b |
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| block_num | 48,171,926 |
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| 23. | | ref_block_num | 2,945 |
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| ref_block_prefix | 2,692,409,115 |
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| expiration | 2020-10-27 20:33:15 |
|---|
| operations | | 0. | | 0. | custom_json |
|---|
| 1. | | required_auths | [] |
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| required_posting_auths | |
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| id | sm_start_quest |
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| json | {"type":"daily","app":"splinterlands/0.7.48"} |
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| extensions | [] |
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| transaction_id | 3d221cd25cef80df15c54a9d8906781f89c65a8e |
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| block_num | 48,171,926 |
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hiveblocks