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Michael's WTF Did I Just Watch-O-Rama - Splatter: Naked Blood (1996, Museum KK) by modernzorker

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· @modernzorker · (edited)
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Michael's WTF Did I Just Watch-O-Rama - Splatter: Naked Blood (1996, Museum KK)
![Bunbun.jpg](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/modernzorker/KjwsjDj9-Bunbun.jpg)
<center>Source: [Reddit](https://www.reddit.com/r/Rabbits/comments/b8r5wm/cuddly_bunny/)</center>

*Note: This article opens with a picture of a cuddly bunny. You will need a cuddly bunny immediately afterwards should you choose to watch this movie. So here's one within easy reach. You're welcome.*

I have a cast-iron stomach when it comes to horror films. I've sat through all three *Human Centipede* movies, every entry in the *Saw* and *Hostel* franchises, more things shot by David Cronenberg, Ruggero Deodato, and Takashi Miike than any sane human should ever lay eyes on. From Italian cannibal flicks to Asian Guro to a smorgasbord of slashers which come up with increasingly clever and awful ways to vivisect the human anatomy with each passing decade, I've seen some shit in my 43 years.

At this point, you've got to do something outrageous, and I'm talking nigh-on obscene, to involuntarily reverse my digestive process. The splatter gods and goddesses replied, "Challenge accepted," and into my lap they dumped this...this...I don't even know how to describe it. It's called *Splatter: Naked Blood* in English, *Naked Blood: Mischief* in Japanese, and "a goddamn barf-inducing celluloid nightmare" in every language on the planet.


<center>https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/modernzorker/6ywyt4Um-NakedBlood.jpeg</center>
<center>Source: [VideoSpace.fi](https://www.videospace.fi/title/naked_blood_1996)</center>

That's seriously the tamest cover for this movie I could find, and yes, that *is* a woman who has used everything from safety pins to things you find in a toolbox to pierce every part of her anatomy she can reach, and some she shouldn't have been able to no matter how hard she tried.

OK.

"So what's the deal with this movie?", I hear you asking. "I saw *Return of the Living Dead 3* and *Audition*, so piercings don't bother me."

I'll see if I can explain.

*Naked Blood* is the story of a young man named Eiji. With parents who are both scientists, he's a bright lad with a dream and a goal. Eiji sees all the pain in the world, and wants to help mitigate it. To that end, he's developed a serum which will greatly expand the endorphins released by the brain when the body experiences trauma. Now all he needs are a few test subjects. Fortunately, his mother works at a clinic where she's testing a new form of injectable contraceptive. He's able to contaminate her test serum with his own invention, and three female volunteers all receive his pleasure-inducing drug at the same time.

You can see where this is going, right? I don't have to write about this more, right, guys?

R-right...?

/Sigh.

OK, fine.

Each of the three women suffers from a different psychological problem. The first is obsessed with beauty, keeping a trim figure while looking pretty to everyone who sees her. The second derives great pleasure from eating food. The third has a disorder which prevents her from sleeping, so she goes home to her apartment every night and hooks herself and her pet cactus up to a special machine that allows her to dream while she's awake and thus retain her sanity (something I'm struggling to do after writing that sentence).

Did I mention this was a Japanese movie?

What follows is a nightmarish descent into masochistic depravity as all three women alter their behavior in order to ramp up their endorphin production, because Eiji's drug works too well. Thus, the first woman begins an ever-increasing obsession with body modification, while the second woman finds that her greatest pleasure comes from carving bits and pieces of herself off in order to eat them.

As I said above, I've seen some shit in my time, but the second woman's descent into culinary madness has got to be one of the most cringe-inducing, gorge-raising things I've ever seen. She starts by plunging her hand into a vat of cooking oil so that she can taste her own deep-fried fingers. From there, she moves on to slicing off her own labia, then one of her nipples, and then finally gouging out one of her own eyeballs with a fork.

Listen, even today, ocular trauma scenes give me the shivers, and yesterday if you'd asked, I'd have told you Fulci's *Zombie* held the trophy for being the trope codifier. But great snapping arseholes, *Naked Blood*'s eye extraction is on another level entirely.

Keep in mind, this is 1996. There's no computer-enhanced post-production. Every gag in this film was done entirely with practical effects and normally there's some kind of give-away that kind of shows how they pulled it off.

I cannot fucking tell *how* they managed to do the eyeball stunt in this movie. It, and the aftermath, look disgustingly, horrifyingly real. There's no easily-identifiable prosthetic, there are no insane close-ups where it's obvious they cut to a fake eye or head (like in the aforementioned *Zombie*), you watch the whole thing happen, there doesn't appear to be enough room for a facial appliance, and it's clearly not a fake head. It's *insane*.

You know what? I need another bunny. Hold on.

<center>https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/modernzorker/2fVRca79-i2bm8t10p4q01.jpg</center>
<center>Source: [Reddit](https://www.reddit.com/r/Rabbits/comments/8a1wgb/muffin_goes_for_a_little_walk_in_the_snow/)</center>

### "Hold on there, buddy. What about Girl #3?"

Shit, you didn't forget about that. Do you want to know? I mean, really, after you read all that about extreme body piercing and autoerotic self-cannibalism, do you *really* want to know what goes wrong with the third girl?

You're going to regret this, but fine. I got bun-bun pics for *days* up in this joint.

The drug affects the third girl a little differently from the first two. It makes her fall in love with Eiji, but gives her the massive endorphin release only when she causes harm to someone else. This drives her to kill the first two girls, and also Eiji's mother, then ride Eiji like a skateboard, only to cut him into post-coital ribbons with a scalpel as soon as he's impregnated her.

I know it's an overused meme at this point, but I just...

God dammit, Japan! What the hell?!

<center>![yvluo8r9dle21.jpg](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/modernzorker/tO0VUxUf-yvluo8r9dle21.jpg)</center>
<center>Source: [Reddit](https://www.reddit.com/r/Rabbits/comments/an4cv2/i_caught_a_yawn/)</center>

...is what this bunny would be saying if he could talk.
___
You know what? I'm done here. There's *still more* of this movie I could talk about. What, you think eyeball plucking and finger food are where this shit stops?

HA HA HA HA HA!

No.

No, we've got people literally vanishing into the ocean, melting film strips, a cactus which may or may not be psychic, crazy computer diary entries, and a fully-grown man crawling into a woman's torn-open stomach and then *pulling the skin back together* to seal himself inside so he can be with her forever.

### *I have not made even ONE of those things up!*

No trailer. No watch links. No more images or video files of any kind.

No nothing!

Excellent job, *Splatter: Naked Blood*. You did what *A Serbian Film*, the *Guinea Pig* series, and other extreme horror productions could not: you have broken me. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul as well as mine for having just lived through you.

Fuck. I need more bunnies.

<center>![tehv6nvgpmm01.jpg](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/modernzorker/49UznrXg-tehv6nvgpmm01.jpg)</center>
<center>Source: [Reddit](https://www.reddit.com/r/Rabbits/comments/85g4rd/a_box_full_of_bunnies_these_guys_used_to_fit_in/)</center>

<center>
![aua9jfw95w531.jpg](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/modernzorker/eqn40dt8-aua9jfw95w531.jpg)</center>
<center>Source: [Reddit](https://www.reddit.com/r/Rabbits/comments/c3ohlo/when_the_lettuce_is_just_right/)</center>

<center>![stftg02ypp241.jpg](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/modernzorker/p8hzRo6m-stftg02ypp241.jpg)</center>
<center>Source: [Reddit](https://www.reddit.com/r/Rabbits/comments/e6950k/i_think_the_hammock_might_be_a_hit/)</center>
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@curie ·
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